I really have no explanation for this. Aside from the fact that it’s practically canon. But I’m not sorry. So have some of the Manliest Slash ever written. IDEK guys. IDEK.
Title: Extra Op 68
Fandom: Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker
Rating: PG-13, mostly for Snake’s mouth
Archive: Ask and ye shall
be as gods receive
Warning: This is a slashfic involving Big Boss. Aside from that, it’s actually pretty tame.
Spoilers: Some of the endgame stuff from Peace Walker is mentioned. You’ve been warned.
Snake would be the first to admit that he had never been the best with people. Hell, these days, most of the time his definition of “getting close to people” tended to involve strapping a Fulton balloon to them and sending them flying into the air and ultimately back to Mother Base. With all of the daily headache involved in running MSF, honestly, he didn’t really have the time for any sort of relationship, even if he had been any good at it.
That was why this current situation had him completely mystified as to how it had happened. He had developed something of an infatuation with Kaz. And it was ridiculously frustrating because he felt like a fucking teenager who had no idea how to get a crush to notice him.
And it wasn’t as if he hadn’t tried. Snake was ridiculously bad with romance, sure, but hell, he had never thought that a man who was so damned interested in taking pictures of men’s asses, the way Kaz seemed to be, would be so goddamn oblivious. Hell, short of tranquilizing Kaz and Fultoning him, Snake had no clue what else to try. Though really, that might not be a bad idea at this rate.
Nothing else had worked! It wasn’t like he was the gooshy romantic type. That sort of stuff was ridiculous. It wasn’t like he could ask Kaz to get a drink with him. He could, but Kaz was a ridiculous lightweight. The last time that everyone had been drinking, Kaz had gotten drunk and yelled something about showing everyone the real Kazuhira Miller, before mooning everyone. It was funny as hell, but not really conducive to anything else. Besides, it was really damn hard to get anything even remotely resembling alone time at Mother Base. You’d think it would be easier in the middle of the ocean, in a place the size of Mother Base, but no. There were always people around.
It was when Snake was seriously starting to consider the idea of just knocking Kaz out and Fultoning him that his second in command surprised him. They had supposed to be going over details for the next mission. So when Kaz started talking about how pretty the sunsets were, Snake didn’t know quite what to do.
“…Are you feeling OK, Kaz?” he asked.
“Yeah, I mean… I’ve got MSF business to think about and all, but sometimes it’s just nice to sit and watch the sunset. You know?” Kaz asked, sounding a little wistful.
“Uh… yeah,” Snake said, not really sure where Kaz was going with this.
That’s when he noticed it. Kaz was fidgeting. Oh sure, it was just a little, but he noticed it. His second-in-command was worrying with the ends of that scarf he wore all the damn time. It was just a little, but it was enough for Snake to notice.
“Snake… um… would you be up for going to the coast to watch the sunset? Just the two of us?” Kaz finally asked.
Huh. Maybe Kaz hadn’t been as oblivious as he had thought.
But the question had caught him a little off guard, and now Kaz was staring at him. Hopefully. And really? He wanted to go watch the sunset? Snake sighed.
“Sure Kaz. We can go watch the sunset or whatever.”
Really, how could this get any weirder? Snake was beginning to feel like a dog that caught a car. Now that he caught it, he had no damned clue what to do with it. The fact that Kaz was almost but not quite pulling him out towards the helipad certainly didn’t help matters. And before he knew it they were sitting on said beach, watching the sunset that Kaz had been so keen about. And Snake didn’t have any cigars or beer, either which might have made this easier.
What the hell did you talk about on a date anyway? That was what this was, right? He wasn’t sure. The last time he’d had any kind of romantic interaction (if you could call it that) was with EVA. And that had gone so well. He’d done the romance thing with a bearskin rug and a fire and all of that nonsense, and he’d ended up drugged, alone, and with his shit stolen in the morning. That wasn’t even getting into the whole thing with the Patriots and Zero trying to clone him. Nope. He wasn’t going that route again.
Shop talk. Shop talk was safe. Besides, it would maybe help him cope with the utter weirdness of this whole thing, and how it was inappropriately romantic.
“So Kaz, do we have any missions lined up?”
“Not really. Things have gotten pretty quiet. Especially lately.”
Snake considered. “What about the recruits?”
“Between the people you, ah, recruit on missions, Boss, and the volunteers that we’ve had coming in to join MSF, we don’t seem to be hurting for help,” Kaz said chuckling a little.
“What about R&D?” Snake asked.
“Oh not this again,” Kaz said, sighing. “Boss, don’t even start.”
“Come on Kaz! I’m telling you, that we could totally make saddle for one of the raptor monsters that I’ve been fighting! It would be awesome!”
“No, Boss. R&D is tied up in too many other projects right now,” Kaz said, rolling his eyes.
“Like making the rail gun. You can have a rail gun, or we can make you a saddle. You can’t have both,” Kaz said, sounding faintly exasperated.
Snake sighed, and actually seemed to consider this for a few long moments. That seemed too simple.
“Really? We don’t have enough manpower and supplies to make one and then the other?” he asked, considering it.
“No, Boss,” Kaz said, shaking his head.
“Kaz, that doesn’t make any sense,” Snake said, frowning. “We should totally be able to make one, and then the other.”
“No, Boss,” Kaz said. “We don’t have the manpower or the supplies.”
“Have you seen all the people in Mother Base? It’s crazy! The place is packed! They make the rail gun, and then they make the saddle for the dinosaur. And then we can mount the rail gun on the dinosaur!” Snake proclaimed, as if this was the greatest idea in the world. Because really, it was.
“Boss, you’re being ridiculous!” Kaz proclaimed, and he was laughing a little.
Snake blinked. “After everything we’ve been through, it’s the idea of the velociraptor with the rail gun mounted on it that you’re saying is ridiculous? I fought Peace Walker, which had an AI based on The Boss, on the deck of Mother Base, and stopped nuclear war, but that wasn’t ridiculous. I stopped Paz, who took over our walking bipedal tank and was going to launch a nuke, that you recovered from a lake I might add, and that wasn’t ridiculous either. Let’s not forget that Paz ended up being a triple agent or something the whole time. No. It’s me mentioning the idea of mounting the rail gun onto the dinosaur that finally proves to be too much for you? You are really something else, Kaz,” Big Boss said, shaking his head, and punching his friend in the arm.
“Well when you put it that way, I guess it’s not the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Kaz said, considering it.
“You know what’s ridiculous? That you never take off that scarf or those sunglasses,” Snake teased.
“Oh that’s how you want to do this?” Kaz asked, grinning a little, as he got to his feet.
“What?” Snake asked, feeling like he’d suddenly lost the thread of the conversation. But he got to his feet anyway.
“Why do you hate my sunglasses, Boss?” Kaz asked, throwing a punch at Snake.
Sparring. This was so much easier than figuring out the whole date… thing, and trying to figure out what the hell to do. Sparring was comfortable and familiar, and much better than sitting and awkwardly watching the sunset. As it was, Snake laughed, and blocked the blow. It didn’t have the same intensity as the time they had gotten into a fight in the showers, but that was all right.
“Jeez, Kaz, had I known that all I needed to get you to do to react was tease you about the sunglasses, I would have tried that months ago,” Snake teased.
“You’re a bastard, Boss,” Kaz said, but he was grinning.
They fell into an easy rhythm of sparring. Punches blocked, other dodged. Some connected, but it wasn’t a huge deal. Neither of them was particularly serious about the fight, but it was a damn good thing to do on a date. Snake thought that they would definitely have to repeat this. This was a much better way to watch the sunset then just sitting there and staring at the ocean.
They sparred for what felt like awhile, until finally, Snake decided it was about time to end the fight. The plan was simple. CQC Kaz and throw him, which would at the very least stun his friend, and effectively end the fight. Simple enough plan, one that had worked before. Except this time, when Snake got Kaz to a point where he could throw him, everything did not go according to plan. Kaz grabbed hold of him, and Snake’s momentum carried him with Kaz. So they both ended up on the sand together.
And to top it off, the bastard was laughing. “I honestly wasn’t sure that would work.”
“Shut up, Kaz,”Snake grumbled. His idiot second-in-command was still grinning like an idiot. Snake considered for a few moments, before deciding that he honestly didn’t have that much to lose (at worst, they’d just end up in round two of sparring), before he leaned down and kissed Kaz. And he felt some smug satisfaction at the surprised noise that drew from Kaz. At least he wasn’t laughing anymore.
This… wasn’t anything like kissing EVA had been. This kiss was hard, rough, and hungry. And Kaz was kissing him back. Snake didn’t even know what to begin to do with that. But kissing he could handle. And since they were fighting for control of the kiss, the kiss seemed to go on and on. It didn’t matter that they only ended up gasping for air briefly, before resuming.
Eventually, though, even legendary soldiers needed air. And the kiss was broken with a gasp. Kaz was looking him with a faint mix of surprise and… something else Snake couldn’t really read. It was hard to tell when Kaz still had those damn sunglasses on.
“Don’t you ever take those off?” Snake asked, smirking a little.
“Maybe you should find out,” Kaz said, smirking a little himself.
They had time. Maybe he would. Hell, if this was Kaz’s idea of watching a sunset, Snake admitted that he might have to go and do it more often. And when they were done making out, maybe he could Fulton Kaz and send him back to Mother Base. That would get the smirk off his friend’s face. This was clearly the best plan ever..